Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Oh no! It's an epidemic... BEWARE

Note: At the time this was posted, I did not know who the author was as it was shared by a friend. Recently, I received an email from Kathy Harris who is the talented author and as such, she deserves recognition. My apologies to Kathy for not acknowledging her talent sooner.


Fabric Pheromones to me.  Kathy Smith Harris, 1997

Quilt Pox

VERY CONTAGIOUS TO ADULTS
SYMPTOMS

Continual complaint as to need for snuggling under a handmade quilt. Patient has blank expression, sometimes deaf to spouse and kids. Has no taste for bedspreads or electric blankets. Hangs out at Quilting Bees. Mumbles to self "Log Cabin", "Double Wedding Ring", "Ohio Rose".

NO KNOWN CURE!

TREATMENT

Medication is useless, Disease is Not Fatal. Victim should attend as many Quilt shows and Quilt shops as possible.

CAUSE

A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that actually hypnotizes women, and causes them to purchase ungodly amounts. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of the breed of women known as "quilters".

When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, therefore, perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into little pieces and mixed with others. When played backwards on a LP, the sounds are heard as chants "buy me, cut me, sew me"!

In order to overcome the so called 'feeding frenzy effect' that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled in to their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of women in a fabric store, with WWII Army gas masks and headphones!)

Studies also indicate that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human woman population. They are called FABRIC STORE / QUILT SHOP CLERKS.

I think I've been infected...

8 comments:

Gina said...

Hysterical. Thanks for the laugh

Love and hugs Gina xxx

Bia, from Brazil said...

The reported syndrome is quickly spreading all over the world, I suppose.
I´ve been seriously infected, too. I´ve bought a new eletronic sewing machine on Monday and I´m going out for some fabric outlets right now. So far so good. The day it becomes hopeless ill I´ll finally purchase the beautiful fabric the overseas sites offer. lol
I´ve been infecting a few people around too.

luv2quilt2 said...

Thanks for a good laugh, but seriously, I have an advanced case of quilt pox.

Loralynn said...

I'm sure that if you look it up on WebMD or the Mayo Clinic, you will find that this is a real disease. No, really, it is...really...

Piecefulafternoon said...

Thanks for the fun. So I guess it is you that has been spreading this disease around at the sew-ins????? LOL

Happy Cottage Quilter said...

Thank you! I knew there was a name for it :-)

Sharon said...

I've had this for a long time, but I have just one question:
How come no one ever warns us about this BEFORE we get it??

But it's a lot more fun than the flu!

Sarah said...

I've never quilted but now I'm going to try. Love your blog which I am now following.

Sarah

http://atasteofsavoie.blogspot.com/